Best & Worst Days Ever

Where to begin?


Bottom line: Bogdan and Yulia want to be adopted by us and we probably will have court in the next 2 weeks. We may be home about 2 weeks after the court hearing.


The rest of the story:

We picked up the referrals at the SDA on Wednesday afternoon, then went to the train station. 15 hours later we arrived in Lugansk. B and his friend, Prosha, met us at the station on Thursday morning. B's hair is SO LONG that we barely recognized him! He and Prosha look healthy and we were all glad to see each other. Viktor, our local facilitator, promptly sent B on his way to gather paperwork and information.

After quick showers (much needed after that long train ride) we went to B's college to meet with the director, who has to approve the adoption. If you want to keep score at home, that was the first time on Thursday that we climbed 5 flights of stairs only to find out that we were supposed to be on the 2nd floor, not the top floor. (I'm actually not complaining about the stairs, it was good to move around in between sitting in the taxi and sitting in offices. It just became a running joke that at the next building we would ask directions on the first floor!)

The college director and her assistant (?) were happy to meet with us and were very cooperative. This is the first time one of their students has been adopted.

The meeting with the college officials was the first time on Thursday that we sat in chairs while everyone talked around us and we had no clue what was happening. When a meeting is finished, Viktor says "OK; everything is fine. Let's go." We hear this a lot!

B then accompanied us to the local Inspector's office, where we sat in chairs while everyone talked around us and we had no clue what was happening. (Up to the fourth floor then back down to the first and up to the second floor.) The Inspector asked B some questions and was smiling and seemed happy about the whole thing. I think she agreed to have one consolidated court hearing, even though the children are under different jurisdictions right now.

Next, we took B back to school (just in time for the big soccer tournament) and left some papers with his director.

Then it was off to see the Inspector for the younger kids. (Stairs to the fourth floor, then back down to the first, then up and down the stairs on the other end of the building, only to find out we were in the wrong building. At the correct building, we went to a fourth-floor office.) After an hour or two of sitting in chairs while everyone talked around us and we had no clue what was happening, we followed the Inspector (and assistant) to the Internat.

In true Y and M fashion, they came running to the car as we headed down the lane to the Internat gates. Every time I visit them I am afraid they will be hit by a car because they literally chase (and race) our taxis! After quick greetings we went into the Director's office where we had a serious meeting with the local Inspector, the Director, the assistant and Viktor. The Inspector asked us many questions. Meanwhile, M and Y jumped up and down and waved and clowned around outside the office window, making it pretty hard for me to keep a straight face.

Finally, the Inspector was satisfied with our answers and our dossier and the children were invited in to the Director's office. Of course, we were sitting in chairs while everyone talked around us and we had no clue what was happening. Apparently, however, we are "horasho" according to M and "ochen horasho" according to Y. Sounds good to me.

Both M and Y told the assembled crowd that they wanted to be adopted by us. They then took us on a quick tour of their classrooms and playroom and introduced us to some classmates (and to Y's pet gerbils, who are not coming to America -- even though I'm pretty sure the cats would appreciate the snack!). Max got our cell number and we got his. (Don't even get me started about how so many orphans have their own cell phones but they don't even have their own clothes. Whatever; I guess we all have different priorities! Seriously, I am glad that many of them can keep in touch with friends and family outside the Internat.)

It was well after dark at that point, so we headed back to Lugansk. After a stop at the supermarket and taking some groceries to B, my phone rang. It was Max. He spoke with Viktor for a few minutes but all I could understand was "tomorrow". It turns out that Max had decided he did not want to be adopted. He would miss his grandmother too much if he moved so far away. He cried as he told Viktor all of this. (We were afraid that it would be hard for him to leave his grandparents behind and it turns out we were right.) Viktor said we would discuss it "tomorrow" (today) and he broke the bad news to us when we got back to the hotel.

A few minutes later, my phone rang again. It was Y, on a borrowed cell phone. Viktor translated her request: since Max said he did not want to be adopted, would we adopt a different child instead? She had some candidates in mind, of course.

A little while later, Max called Viktor and informed him that there was another boy who wanted to be adopted. Would we please adopt this boy? Oy.

Needless to say, I got zero sleep last night. My eyes look like the "before" picture in an ad for a plastic surgeon. It was a very hard night. We wanted to confirm with Max that he had made his final decision before stopping the adoption process for him, so we headed back to the Internat this morning.

Meanwhile, we did make inquiries about another child. We love V. I always knew that it would be heartbreaking to visit Y and Max at the orphanage with all of the other children, especially those orphans who have very special places in our hearts, knowing that we were there to adopt other children. Yesterday, as we entered the Internat, we saw V clinging to a girlfriend and looking incredibly sad. It is devastating to think of what her future may hold. V is beautiful and smart and sweet and needs parents and a family. With a family, in the US or elsewhere, she will go far in life. Without the love and support of a family, she may have no choice but to head down the wrong path in a couple of short years. Unfortunately, we are not in a position to adopt both her and her older brother, so it is not possible for her to join our family at this time. If someone reading this could give a home or just some friendship and support to this wonderful 14 year old and her 16 year old brother please contact me and I would be happy to make an introduction. V needs a family and some hope.

Anyway, we met with the children in the Director's office this morning. Max hung his little head low as he confirmed that his decision was final. We were able to tell him that we love him; we will always love him; we want him to be happy and we are glad that he has people here that he loves so much. After the tense conversation, we joked with him a bit and he was smiling when he left the Director's office -- so that is about the best we could hope for, under the circumstances. He called me later to say (again) that he is very sorry he cannot come home with us. Poor kid! What a terrible position to be in. We know that he talked with his grandparents after we left on Thursday night (and before he called us). I don't blame them for wanting him to stay near them (after all, that is what I want -- to have him with me) but it is a shame that he must live as an orphan in between their visits. I am glad we tried for him but I am very sorry for putting him through the ordeal of the past 36 hours. We will still be friends and pen pals and maybe someday he will find a family, whether his grandparents step up for him or whether he becomes open to the idea of being adopted. We will always be ready to help him in any way we can.

That paragraph was incredibly calm, not at all how I have felt for most of the last day and a half. We are coming to terms with the reality of life without Max and we know that it will all be fine, for all of us.

We spent most of today (Friday) in Lutugino doing paperwork. (Actually, we spent the day waiting around while Viktor did paperwork, and occasionally sitting in chairs while everyone talked around us and we had no clue what was happening.) We signed petitions at a Notary's office and delivered them to both Inspectors' offices.

This afternoon I had a glorious nap at our hotel. Later, we were able to see B and Prosha and do a little bit of shopping with them. They showered at our hotel because they have not had hot water in their dorm for "long time". Yikes! (And our bathroom still smells like feet, just in case you didn't already get TMI from this post!) B and Prosha will come with us to the village tomorrow and hopefully we will get to spend some time with B and Y tomorrow. She is happy but understandably apprehensive and it will be good for brother and sister to spend some time together to process what is happening.

Thank you to everyone for the comments and the kind words, thoughts and prayers. It is good to know that so many people want a good outcome for these awesome kids and we thank you for taking the time to check in and say hello.

I will close for now (if anyone is still reading this). We most likely will not have internet access while we are staying in the village so it may be a while before our next update. We will add to the blog whenever we can. Pictures of Y and B (and their full names) will be posted after court.

p.s. One of the highlights of this bittersweet day has been B's sweet voice on the phone throughout the day "hello, Mom" - "I wait for you, my mother" -- "we go now, Mom". :)